Do you ever get scared that what you see in the mirror isnt what everyone else see's?Maybe youre fatter or thinner or prettier or uglier than you think. You'l never know.

Ah its been absolutely hectic. Its coursework time. I;d like to say ive been working my ass off but i have this thing were i physically will not work myself too hard. Im a big fan of the mental health breaks whilst doing coursework, so i suppose this is what you call one, im on a break right now from writing an essay on community within the internet- kinda ironic that ive taken a break to write in my blog, as this blog page itself is an online community- people brought together to interact and socialise without the physicality of meeting. Anyway i wanna seperate myself from all of that for a while and calm down. About half an hour ago i had a vigourous cardio/ kickboxing type workout to get me all pumped up and feeling good, something i never woulda done before the diet. I feel really good about doing it, and i feel the adrenaline, i still havent entirely calmed down, so i suppose my problem now is (catch 22) im feeling to worked up to calm down and study and im too knackered to do more.
I lost 3 pounds last week. Yay me, and im starting to develop a mild yellowish tan from all the sun. All in all im happy about how the diet is going, ive had a few splurges, i went to an italian resturant with my friend emma and had another carbonara, and ive had a few macaroni cheese micro meals from m and s.
I have noticed a mental change in the way i eat now, i eat much slower, and if im full and cant eat anymore i will stop eating- this is a big break thorugh for me as a food addict :) dairy milk have just released a half-calorie chocolate bar which im very happy about. Im not eating chocolate everyday, its an occasional treat, which im fine with. About a month ago i was eating 2 bars of choclate a night! now im eating dried fruit, nuts and seed mix with complete satisfaction. The only thing thats annoying me right now is that the changes seem to be taking forever. Though i have physically lost weight im still the same clothes size :( I think i will excercise more often after the coursework is in, which is in about a week and a half, then im FREEEEE for a whole summer. I willbe joining the gym with my mum soon when i come back which is good, ive never had anyone to go with that wasnt slim to begin with. So we can help each other through it. Anyway, enough babbling for now. I think im gonna go smoke a little weed to center myself, read a bit of my book and then get back to work. I wanna have it finished by 9 o clock because SUPER SKINNY ME is on channel 4 at that time. It looks like a complete copy of what loiuse redknap did a while ago, but i think it would be interesting to watch from the perspective of someone on a diet. Though i dont think it will make me wanna stop dieting the way supersize me put me of junk food!
Oh confession, i had a maccy d's the other day. More out of convinience than actually wanting the food. I didnt feel good after and i wont be doing it again for a while.
Stonergirl
ps, its so hard to get a job for the summer!